Life work in the same way, if you have something of value, people will offer you things in order to gain access to it. What do the patrons of Frat Party really need??
2) Don't arrive too early.

Sexcalation is the process by which sexual tension keeps escalating between two people who insist they are “Just friends” to the point where shenanigans are inevitable. The unique quality of sexcalatory situations is that the principal imbeciles are in total denial of the mechanisms at work and hence appear completely oblivious to it. They enjoy each other's company, they love to be around each other, they have the same tastes, similar humor and they look like one of those cheesy model couples on a Cosmopolitan Magazine cover page. The sexual tension is thick and when they are together, they gaze into each others eyes like fools, flirt excessively and groom in a way similar to that of the Vervet Monkey of Southern Africa (see picture below).



To the rest of the world, their attraction for one another is as obvious as that fact that Michael Jackson had “work done” on his nose or that Ben Aflec can't act. It is so obvious that most outside observers have already given them combined names similar to celebrity couples like “Brangelina” or “Bennifer,” only the names are more lame and pitiful like, “The fools” or “The love birds.” They also say things to one of them, knowing full well it is as good as live broadcast to the both of them:

Example
Jenn: You didn't invite me to the party??
Kate: Yeah I did. I sent James the invitation.
Jenn: You can't send James an invitation and expect ME to come to your party based on that!
Kate: Ok, Ok...I get it...but thanks for coming anyway! Enjoy the party; the cups are in the kitchen!

Things sexcalate and when they finally hook up, they are the only people on the planet that are surprised. They are more surprised to find out their friends have been taking bets on the issue for months. They are even more surprised to find out the bets were on WHEN it would happen, rather than IF it would actually happen. Joke's on you, “Foolish Love Birds.”

Just to clarify, the best thing to do is stay in or go out and not drink. Abstinence is always recommended but most of you won't do that, who are we kidding. Drinking and being able to be productive early in the morning will diminish with age. When college graduates have a heavy night of drinking, it ruins their entire week and/or life. They are left the fatigued, sluggish for days and impregnated with a shot of guilt, reminding them that they should have been more responsible. Youth is only one of several essential recovery ingredients.....

Informtion: 
The feeeling you have the day after your drink is what is known as a hangover. Your body is in FML mode, it is tired, dehydrated and lacking essential nutrients. This state manifests itself in headaches, sluggishness, fatigue, throwing up etc ~ science class over.

So......you you want to be functional in the morning you have to launch a pre-emptive assault on each of the causes. Don't worry, attacking nothing before it happens is ok. The USA did it in Iraq......

1.Hydrate.
Alcohol dehydrates the body. As the night goes on, you will loses lots of water in your body. The whole night you are out you have to drink enough water to replenish the water you lose, something like 1 glass per one or two drinks. Water is not a magic potion. If you are hammered and you drink water you will still be drunk, you are not suddenly magically fit to drive a car or perform heart surgery ~ taking a shower is equally useless. All water will do is reduce how crappy you will feel when you sober up. When your night is over,  have ready a bottle of ion-enriched water (Powerade,Gatorade) and chug that down before you hit the sack to help replace the ions you pissed away all night. This should take care of hydration.

2. Eat BEFORE you go out.

Not eating before you go out will make you get drunk very quickly but will expediate your body's journey to nutrient deficiency. Before you go out eat well. Have a high protein meal with carbs and veges. White girls are always in a terrible state at bars because society has encouraged them not to eat. A day of toast, celery sticks and yogurt will come back to haunt you the next day. Eating before you go out also reduced the chance we will eat like a pig when you get back. Eating after drinking will have you well on your way to looking like Fat Albert by senior year.

3. Go hard Early and Taper off
You really don't want to getting to peak drunkness at 1am on a night before an 8am class. You are asking not to make it. You need to start winding down earlier on nights like this. Start with a blitzkrieg. Pregame harder than you part. Drink the best part of a 6-pack, or a couple of shots before you go out and time your arrival at the bar to be when everybody is a few drinks in. Then the rest of night have a few drinks to maintain things. By 12:30 you should be winding down and you should be heading out around 1/130am. Late night affairs are out of the question, technically you shouldn't even have come out so don't push it.

4. Do not fall Asleep Immediately. 

If you sleep while you head is spinning or while you are still very tipsy, you will really mess up you cycle. So do not just get back to your dorm and dive into bed. The reason I recommended leaving at 1/130am in #3 is that it gives you the chance to get back, sit down for a bit and consume your ionic beverage before you go to bed. Take 30 minutes to an hour to just settle yourself before you sleep it will help a lot. Don't do something stupid. Most students take this opportunity to drunk dial people they are in love with, send angry emails or leave nonsense on people's fbook pages. If you feel overpowered by the need to do so............screw it go to bed and deal with the headache tomorrow instead.

Do all that and you will be fit and fast in the morning and with a little bit of caffeine you will be out the gates really fast before you crash miserably at around midday. You will need a nap, you really can survive without sleeping, but you did drink you ass off and you did make you 8am class.

One night my roomate, possessed by a raging drunken stupor, walked in, placed a pizza in the oven and proceeded to fall asleep for the rest of the night. By morning the house was filled with smoke and the pizza lay in the oven burnt to a crisp looking more like a car tire than a pizza.

SO IF YOU ARE DRUNK, OBSERVE THIS FLOW CHART BEFORE YOU ATTEMPT TO COOK AND TURN YOUR HOUSE INTO A BLAZING INFERNO!

You will encounter group work many times in your college life. Every group has the same basic organizational structure. Let us consider a group consisting of five members, since somebody genius decided that five is the optimum group number. In a group of five there will be these five basic roles in one shape or another.

The Decider
This is the person that will elect themselves leader without anybodies consent. This is because they have an inflated sense of themselves and their abilities and believe that they are more capable of running the group than anyone else. This Decider lacks good ideas and they compensate for it by puffing up there chests, barking orders and talking over people. This position is often assumed by the feminist girl that believes it's a man's world and over compensates for it by being a total bitch or the guy that thinks that someday he will run for president.

The Creator

This role is assumed by the most offbeat, creative member of the group who capable of coming up with many brilliant ideas much to the envy of the Decider. The Creator's offbeat, unorthodox nature pisses off The Decider, who views The Creator as their biggest threat to leadership. Consequently, The Creator will spend a lot of time shutting down any ideas The Creator comes up with regardless of their merit. This tension will continue till the night before the project is due when the situation is declared  a Mexican Standoff.

The Slave
Eager and enthusiastic, the slave will do anything asked of them with no questions asked. The Slave realizes the best asset they have to offer the group is their work ethic and complete servitude. The Slave may be talented and full of ideas but their passive nature causes them to either underestimate themselves or be too timid to battle for leadership with The Creator and Decider.

The Scribe
The scribe is very eager to put things together. They enjoy collecting every group member's contributions and collating them into one piece of art. The Scribe will generally stay out of group dynamics and simply handle administrative duties like: collecting phone numbers and email addresses, making sure group members send in their work and know about meeting times and places etc.

The Ghost 
The Ghost is the most erratic group member. They are unpredictable and this gives everyone a headache. The are usually late to meetings or do not show up at all. The Ghost sees group work as an opportunity to do less work. The Decider is constantly on The Ghost's nuts and will inevitably report them to the professor for lack of dedication. The Ghost will also be The Decider's scapegoat should thing go array. Ultimately, Ghost will  step up and produce amazing work come presentation time and this will make all the group members feel guilty after having have all given them a terrible peer review.

AND NOW.......AS PROMISED

How to do the least work....
Assuming the role of The Decider or The Creator is out of the question. They are stressful positions and tend to involve the a substantial amount of work. The Slave is obviously a bad idea since everyone will delegate work to them, ultimately meaning they perform the most labor. The Ghost is risky role as it runs the risk of recieving individual punishing via peer reviews or should one of the other group members chose to report their conduct to the professor.

To do the least work and get away with it, you should be The Scribe. The scribe doesn't do anything. Nobody asks them to come up with things and they don't have get involved in group dynamics. The Scribe also has the luxury of contributing the least amount of work but has control of all the information meaning they can mask their paltry contribution.  To pull it off you simply have to attend all meetings, stay on top of things and most importantly, bombard the other team members with emails. Email all day, everyday. Email them to tell them you received work, when you need work, about meeting times, about what you had for lunch, just keep sending them. You will appear as if  you are doing so much work when in reality you aren't doing much of anything.

And that's the 411...

You may be spending the premium years of your life in the company of a c-blocker and you don't even realize it. Conventional wisdom suggests that the c-blocker will be an outside force but beware of a wolf in sheep's clothing. Your best friend may be a Trojan Horse strategically implanted in your night, waiting to strike. When everything looks like it's going well, the troops will be unleashed and you will be robbed and pillaged of all your happiness and hope. Here are some signs you can look out for to help you ascertain whether or not your friend might be a covert c-blocker.

1. Your female friend calls herself a "wingwoman."
You have an attractive, single, female friend. She is always talking about how great you are always trying to set you up with her friends, she calls herself your "wingwoman." The only problem is all the friends she introduced you to are unavailable as a result of many factors, ranging from marriage to unacceptable looks. She never introduces you to available women that are more attractive than her and all her single friends that are attractive have some fundamental character flaw that makes them, "not good enough for you" ~ or so she says. The truth is, you are being c-blocked. The plan is not to have you find someone else, she values your attention too much to just give away. Single women do not generally hand off quality men to their friends or to women they don't know (i.e Skanks). Hanging out platonically with women is very advantageous for many reasons but there is no such thing as a "wingwoman."

2. Your friend is not willing to play wingman.
Last week you had to talk to a women that looked like Big Foot so that your friend had a chance to talk to a girl he was into. Now it is time for him to sacrifice himself and do his duty. You want to talk badly to this really cute girl but she is under heavy guard by The Lochness Monster. You ask for backup and your buddy refuses, you even offer to buy him a 6 pack but he gives you an unequivocal no. You end up having to go in alone. You get there and you don't even get a word in before her friend, the Lochness Monster, jumps in front of you, tells you that she is not interested and bites you on the arm, forcing you to leave the bar and take rabies and tetanus shots just to be safe. You have been c-blocked, your buddy's selfishness has cost you dearly.

3. If your friend doesn't get hit on, she always wants to leave!
This addresses the basic purpose of a wingman. If you are talking to a woman and there is a surplus of women, the remaining women will c-block the principal, should they evaluate that they have nothing to gain from the interaction. You need a wingman to keep the extra woman occupied by throwing attention at them thereby deactivating their c-block mode. So beware of the friend that always falls sick, needs to go to the bathroom or wants to go to another bar conveniently when a handsome guy approaches you. It's merely subterfuge designed to guarantee your failure. 

4. Designates you as the "protector"
This is when a friend, who more often than not has a significant other, informs you on a given night that they will be drinking excessively and that you need to protect them and keep them away from the opposite sex. What they are telling you is that their actions tonight will c-block your endeavors so it's best you know in advance so you don't plan anything elaborate. This is very selfish. Everyone is out to have fun, why not foster and environment where everyone can have fun, not just you. If you have someone and are happy let your friends have to opportunity to find someone.  Protect yourself from men, all grown women can do it, they have been rejecting men since they were 8. If it gets a bit rough, then your friends should step in, that's what friends are for.

5. They are always making reference to how many members of the opposite sex you get attention from compared to them.
These references refer to an insecurity your friend has with regards to you social prowess compared to theirs. The insecurity will often manifest itself in institutionalized c-blocking. Such feelings towards you may turn into a deeply embedded resentment on occasion especially where alcohol is involved. The night they feel worst about themselves they will become very upset and that may lead to destroying your night, proceeding to leave and forcing you to come back home with them. That way nobody gets any attention from anybody.

7. They are widely regarded as unattractive, uncharismatic or otherwise scary looking.
If your best friend is grenade it may cause complications when you go out. Wingman will refuse to hit on them or girls will not be willing to talk to them. This is not to say you shouldn't have unattractive friends but to warn you that inherent to their existence is a natural factor of c-blockage. Accept it. It's more important to have good friends than it is to have attractive friends but don't be surprised if when hanging out  with the unattractive ones you get considerably less attention from the opposite sex. If your friend is genuinely scary e.g a huge black dude, who will likely scare the average white girl, it is best to be smart about where you hang out with them. Try hanging out with them during the day on in well lit places to minimize the fear factor they inspire in others. This way they won't drive people away.

8. You have a Lesbian Friendship/Bromance with your friend.
If boys would rather hang out with each other than females then it is considered "gay" or "super gay" and for that reason a bromance resulting in c-blockage is rare. Women on the other hand have license to make out with other women and treat each other like surrogate boyfriends with little social repercussion. A bond of friendship at this level requires time and attention. In many situations anything that puts this bond in jeopardy will cause the opposite party to c-block to preserve it. Guys may say something to the intruding woman to upset her so she loses all interest in his friend. ladies might whisk their friend away and start making out with them which while impressive to some guys, seldom comes with an invitation for them. This is just cock blocking in another shape and form.

BE VIGILANT!!

The following was written by a friend of mine several years ago while we
were both still college students. He was having 'troubles' at the time with
a few of the women he had picked up at parties...

(The anti-relationship contract -- to guarantee no strings are attached)

I, _______________________, hereby surrender all possibilities of
friendship, commitment, marriage, guilt-trips and near-pregnancies in
exchange for one (1) night of USDA approved fondling and fornication.
I will not return to the scene of said activities, nor call, write or
otherwise contact/harass or vex said co-signer of contract for a time
of no less than thirty (30) days and nights after said activities have
been fulfilled.  I also surrender all rights to propagate rumors,
misnomers and dirty looks in the cafeteria from myself and friends,
and will treat said co-signer with all the respect due a stranger.
I will say "hi" if we pass within ten (10) meters in a friendly,
if not neutral, tone. I will also upon completion of herefore listed
activities not leave underwear, ear rings or other insignificant yet
oh-so-valuable knick-knacks lying about or hidden somewhere in the co-
signer's abode for the sole purpose of returning to said abode and
breaking the no-contact agreement of this document.

I furthermore state that I am of sound mind and desirable body,
and will not call said co-signer by any other name than that which is his or her own,
nor reminisce on some former slime-ball/great lover who wore the same
cologne, roll-on, boxer shorts or robe. I will also pay one-half of
all laundry fees as needed after prescribed activity.

From: SEX CONTRACT: http://www.netfunny.com/rhf/jokes/90q4/onenight.html

By AfricanLengend.

Sexile n (se-gzlksl): Sexile is the enforced or voluntary removal from one's dwelling because a roommate is involved in fornicatory activities and your presence would prove awkward and inappropriate.

This is a process that may occur in situations where roommates share living quarters. In these instances, all the sounds people make end up sounding as though they were in “HD Dolby Surround Sound” due to the acoustics or size of the space. That is to say, if an ant so much as took a breath, it would be audible, much less a passionately excited person engaging in finagling of the adult variety.



Have you ever returned from a night out, class or just a cup of tea at your local coffee shop, walked up into your apartment only to hear deep, passion filled, breathing? Have you ever walked in and felt a tremor shaking the room like a small earthquake measuring 3.6 to 4 on the Richter scale? Worse yet, have you ever invited people over to your dorm room and walked in only to see statuesque, silhouette figures moving rhythmically in the dark. Or have you stumbled upon the sights and sounds of your roommate “Organ Grinding” or making the “beast with two backs” with a significant or not so significant other?

What did you do? You fumbled around in the dark and pretended that you needed to collect some essentials, trying your best not to look but of course human instinct triumphs and you do. After a minute of slurping down a bowl of awkward soup, you left and eventually found yourself in a late night coffee shop or community lounge. You finally looked at the literature you had managed to pick up during your short awkward spell in your room. All you could get your hands on in the erotic darkness was “Cooking Done Right by Rachael Ray” and a flyer with coupons to the local supermarket. Interestingly enough, you found out if you bought 3 dozen eggs you could get a dozen for free. The store is open 24 hours, so you take advantage of the deal. Now you are sitting marooned in a room, but at least you feel the accomplishment of having saved 20% off what you'd normally pay for eggs. Sound familiar? You experienced sexile and the sad fact was that until you received correspondence in the form of a text or call, you knew the unforgiving couch would be your best friend and fate for the rest of the night.

By Africanlegend
I read an article about Alcoholism and Alcohol Abuse statistics and related it to my experiences and observations in college. Turns out many elements of college are just a dress rehearsal for future Alcoholism.

There is no doubt that teen alcohol abuse is a common occurrence in colleges and universities.

Here are 8 reasons most college kids are alcoholics.......

1. Lie to others or hide your drinking habits.

Studying of Econ at Kate's?

The weekend check-in from mommy to find out if you are doing well and to tell you that you can use her credit card for emergency purposes ONLY almost always involves a well disguised pack of lies. The only emergency that the mom's precious credit has been used for is thirst quenching via the purchase shots for all your friends.

I remember sitting in a restaurant with one of my female friends and she was sipping on a massive scorpion bowl while telling her mom she was going over to Kate's place later to study....on Friday night? Yeah right! Maybe to study the rate at which hard liquor erodes brain cells, a study worth of a thesis at the highest level.

2.“Black out” or forget what you did while you were drinking.
This was one thing I never understood. Not only is the phenomenon of blacking out common but it is glorified. What is so exciting about a night you cannot remember? Was it even exciting? You can't remember it so there is a really good chance it was a complete disaster. Maybe you tried to fight your best friend, tackled his girlfriend for absolutely no reason and placed your other friend in a trunk before attempting to ritualistically sacrifice him. My point is, you don't really know. It just makes more sense to me to have an interesting story to tell and share with other people other than to have a 2-3 void and headache the next day. You can easily get that from watching a Jean Claude Van Damme movie.

3. Regularly drink more than you intended to.

Flip Cup, A blend of teamwork, skill and heavy drinking

Can the average college kid say that they go out on a weekend and drink a reasonable amount? The amount they sat down and decided upon before leaving e.g "Just a couple of beers" "A few drinks" or some other benign phrases used prior to a night of chaos and keg stands. Consider Binge Drinking:

Definition:
"Today the generally accepted definition of binge drinking in the United States is the consumption of five or more drinks in a row by men — or four or more drinks in a row by women — at least once in the previous 2 weeks. Heavy binge drinking includes three or more such episodes in 2 weeks." kidshealth.org

 Not only do college kids binge drink, but they have stepped it up a notch and made it more pleasurable, active and even incorporated various elements of skill. For example, Beer Pong and flip cup entail hand eye coordination, teamwork and heavy drinking which steadily hinders the first two requirements. The drinking games are endless and vary from those that require actual skill to some that are as rudimentary as taking a sip of your drink every time they say "The Ring" in Lord of the Rings.

4. You find that it takes more alcohol to feel good than it did in the past?
One beer Queer, Light Weight, and A Cheap Date are all institutionalized ridicule for those that are entrapped by the powerful grip of intoxication after only a niggardly amount drinks. Little did anyone know that apparently alcohol addicts also often build up a formidable tolerance to alcohol. So is it really cool to be waking up in the morning and taking a shot before class or eating your cereal with Whiskey? ~ yes I have seen both.

5. Reaching for alcohol as a solution when you feel emotionally upset, need to calm yourself, or feel anxiety of any kind?

Happy hour!!!

"Emotionally upset, need to calm yourself, or feel anxiety of any kind..?" That sounds like having an exam to me and what is the first thing a lot of students do after writing exams? Drink themselves in a stupor. They feel as if they have absorbed too much eduction into their brain so the line up shot after shot and systematically kill any birth of knowledge they may have picked up while studying. In fairness, older folk do the same. They wipe out their days productivity with alcoholic beverages and call it "Happy Hour" so that their kids think they are out doing something more benign...."Susie don't cry, Daddy will be back soon, he is at Happy Hour."

6. You are drunk or high at work, school, special occasions, etc. to the point where you can not fulfill your obligations?
On St Patrick's day, I was in class going about business as usual. My class was docile. Only two people ever participated. This really obnoxious girl that thought she was always right and then me trying to prove that she wasn't. This day was different, the class was alive with participation. Everyone had something to say even the Lacrosse Dbags who in this case exposed the fact that they actually do homework or at least did so with the intention of having something to say when they showed up drunk to class. I was surprised at all this studiousness until the air was finally ripe with the vodka coffee stench emanating from flasks around the room. The teacher must have thought her material was really engaging. Turns out a shot of vodka can make any class work more stimulating

7. Add alcohol to beverages to conceal your drinking habit from your peers.
It's pretty much the story of attending sports events and the reason why at some colleges they restrict the colors of liquids and types of container you can bring. It may look like Coke and be in a Coke bottle but drinking a bottle of Coke is not likely to hinder your balance enough to send you tumbling down the arena steps sending popcorn shrapnel everywhere.

The favored choice of hard liquor would be something clear and mixable like Vodka or Rum which also happen to be choice beverages for Alcohol addicts according to some information I read the other day that I am way too lazy to find.

After over 6 years of masquerading as a Designated Gay Friend (DGF), I became privy to many of the sophisticated games and tricks women use to bedazzle males and ensure victory in domestic disputes. Studies performed by Stuff-about.com's Institute of Gender Conflict indicate that women win 73.56% of all arguments and a further 89.35% of males report chronic depression or muliebriphobia (fear of women) as a result.
Tear Jerk.
This is a classic trick that has stood the test of time. For years women have used crying to bend men to their will. Crying is socialized out of the male at a very young age and consequently, they have no grasp of what the process of crying entails. Therefore, they have no means to defend against it. Males understand crying to be a result of a stimulus causing pain. For a woman, crying is simply an arbitrary response she can have to ANYTHING. Cute animals, Hallmark movies, bunny rabbits, glitter and absolutely no reason are all things that can cause a woman to cry. In short, to win an argument a woman just begins crying thus causing the man to become frozen to the spot like a naked Greek Statue wondering “wtf” just happened.
Feminist fatale.
When a woman is hopelessly losing an argument, she will often resort to an angle which you can not offer a rebuttal to and in the end you end up looking like an extremely insensitive dbag (Kanye West). The feminist attack is one of them. Suddenly when backed into a corner she will say something like, “You are just treating me like this because I am a woman. Men have been persecuting women for ages.” It is impossible to form a retort to this without sounding like the king of misogyny unless you are black or Jewish, in which case you can politely mention slavery or genocide.
The Sniper Ambush.
Females have realized the best way they can win an argument is if the male is totally unprepared and caught off guard. After realizing the male brain prefers to perform one task at a time, an attack was designed to confront a man while he is sleeping, eating or watching his favorite sports team. The man will not give her his full attention; instead he will go into “autopilot” and pretend to listen for safety reasons. A week will pass and he will reap the “benefits” of promises he made unconsciously. There will be pink and yellow curtains, lilac wall paper and a pet bunny rabbit; all of which he “promised” were ok in his moment of weakness.
The Drama Queen role reversal maneuver.
This is a classic female maneuver. It is a feat of psychological manipulation only the fairer sex is capable of executing effectively. It works something like this. The woman will flip out and begin hurling verbal insults. In the process, she will insult her in-laws while throwing objects that qualify as “Weapons of Mass Destruction.” She will then push him to the limits of his sanity with her antics. When he finally cracks and throws a tantrum of his own, she miraculously snaps back into a completely reasonable person. She will then say something like, “SEE! This is why I can't talk to you! OMG, you are so dramatic!!”
The Score Card.
Just because she has forgiven you, does not mean whatever you said or did will not be used against you in the “Female Court of Law.” You may have stared down the bosom of a fine lass or flirted with a barmaid. She caught you and got upset. You apologized. She forgave you and now you think it’s over right? WRONG! She has simply put it on her score sheet and she will save it for use at a later date. Just when you think you are winning an argument, she will unleash it and crush you like a cockroach.

Example
Dave: I said we are not getting ANOTHER bunny rabbit and that's FINAL!
Susie: Ok [walks away but turns around after a few steps and removes a small note pad]. Oh yeah, we need to talk about honesty because lately all you do is look at other women and make me feel unappreciated.
Dave: Um well.
Susie: You think I don't see these things, but I do and it is not right that you do that!
Dave: [on amazon.com] Honey, I found a Christmas special on the white fluffy kind, is that ok?